make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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