Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
