I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
one might say we're banned from that church
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
