You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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