So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
