I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
