I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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