Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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