Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
