What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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