Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
