I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
