I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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