Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
