took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
