is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
