the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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