You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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