grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
