Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
