i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
