If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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