Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Shame - the story of my life.
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