He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
