Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just had sex on a roof
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
