Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
