when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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