Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize