Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
