mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
