you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
