Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
