I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
