Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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