So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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