I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
