can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
