in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
