oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
