just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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