I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
