I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize