I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
