I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
