Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
