I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize