And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You pole danced in your parka.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
