dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
