did you get engaged???
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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