i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
