you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
