We're like a lot better than the average bears
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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