mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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