Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
