highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do vagina's smell?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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