Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
