Jerry, you need to find god
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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