margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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