I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
