from now on my penis is your penis
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
