I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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