mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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