you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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