ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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