Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
