Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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