I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
