do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
