I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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