I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
