dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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