Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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