id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
