Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
