You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
