Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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