Do you still have your period?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
