she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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